Dear Kekeluv – I’m a Prisoner in My Own Home
This Kekeluv DM comes from a very dark place with a dim light at the end. I wasn't shocked when reading but wondered how it would end. I won't edit this message because the rawness of someone's feeling shouldn't be tainted. Abuse isn't G-rated and that tragedy needs to be exposed and if this letter speaks to someone - so be it!
Read this message and maybe this is a good time to open your eyes. Look at the girl sitting next to you or the kids in your classroom. Pay close attention to the signs because they exist but you have to look closely. This person might be someone you know.
My husband has hit me. My husband has broken my nose. My husband has threatened to take my children away. My husband has insulted me, taken my phone and keys and trapped me in my own house. I’ve been grabbed by the throat as I tried to walk away from an argument, and he’s held me on the ground with his hands around my neck. The reason for all of this? I was unable to calm him down, I was upset, I should have known better than to... whatever it was that I did.
And still, after nearly 4 years, it’s incredibly difficult for me to say that I’ve been abused. “He must be stressed about money, work, the baby..” Do any of those change the things that he’s done or the way he’s made me terrified to stay, and more terrified to leave? No. They don’t.
“What did you say to him?” Along with “You just have to tell them it didn’t happen.” The phrases that solidified, forever, my understanding that his parents would never provide the protection from their son that I needed. So I isolated myself, with plenty of help from my husband because of course, he loved that. Maybe lashing out in anger and treating your significant other cruelly and manipulatively are just all a dark part of marriage and committed relationships that no one talks about. If I love him, I’ll forgive him. I’ll be patient with him. It hurts him as much as it hurts me and he’s trying to change. As I type all these things, I’m embarrassed and I know how ridiculous they must sound. But every single one of these are what has kept me a prisoner in my own home, and unsafe with the man I loved more than anything in the world. Every single one of those has led me to look into my daughters’ terrified, sad eyes after a fight and say, “I’M so sorry. Sometimes Daddy just gets mad. He just needs our help.”
What kind of woman? What kind of mother am I? As our one year wedding anniversary comes up, I know I have to leave. I’m driven, more than ever, to reclaim my life, to be happy, to never again be told who I can hang out with, what I can wear, what errands I can run and when I can leave the house. To never again run from room to room in my house scared of what was going to happen when he got to me. To never be called an ungrateful or stupid bitch, or a whore for telling him I’m unhappy in our relationship. I began this letter asking for advice and confused about what I should do. Three days later, I end it more as a declaration, and a fuck you to the man who made me feel like I was nothing without him. - No More in Nampa.
I'm sorry, saddened, and feel empowered in the same breath. I'm also angry that nobody opened their eyes in your defense. So many times people look the other way because they don't want to get involved. It could be they don't WANT to believe that someone they love could EVER do something like that. Could your son really break his wife's nose? "Maybe, she did something or what caused it?"
NOTHING caused it! The moment he put his hands on her HE caused it. Why is that pill so hard to swallow. I applaud you No More for saying, "NO MORE." There comes a place in life where you become on your own and it's up to YOU to fight back. Today you fight for your future and walk the other direction. Take that emotion, anger, frustration, disappointment, sadness, hope, realization and desire to write the next chapter. The abuse you've endured isn't your fault and it never was. There will never be an excuse or reason that ANY man should put his hands on you. He is NOT your boss. Being a wife ISN'T your job. Being a mother IS your responsibility and protecting them is why you live now. It will never be about another man for the rest of your life. A man can't make you happy. Only you have that power. Understand that a man can make you feel good and fulfill things in your life that are missing but without inner peace - happiness fades. Find yourself. Never and I mean NEVER let ANYONE believe that they hold power over your life. Show your daughters that you're the strongest person they know and they will become as tough as you. We learn from our mistakes and god knows we're not perfect.
I want you to do something that will now become the hardest thing you've encountered. Leave. Know your rights as a mother, pack your shit up, and get the f-ck out! If anyone else reading this offended by my tone maybe you should walk just one moment in her footsteps. Abide by the laws that your husband broke and seek help for you and your daughters.
You are only given one life. Why in hell would you let one person decide how you live it? This is YOUR future and it begins today. Oh, don't worry, he'll be back. Not today. Not next week. Maybe not in the next month. He will be knocking on your door when he realizes that YOU are serious. A shine will come back to your posts on social media, your attitude will change, and realization will set in. That's also when YOU realize, you're free.
Go become a great mother, find yourself and search for the things that make you smile again. It's time to heal. Do that and let what happens, happen. Sometimes you don't need to have ALL the answers. The fact that you're piecing the first one together is a start.
I carefully chose this song for you.
Someone asked me what makes me mad about this letter and the answer was simple,
I'm pissed because nobody said anything. It's easy to speculate that she should of just left. Do you think she likes getting her face broken? Sometimes we need someone to step in when we're not strong enough to do it for ourselves. She obviously seeked out help and they just brushed her aside.
If you know someone that is going through a domestic situation and needs help. First, call 911 if it's an emergency.
- Call the domestic violence hotline at 208.343.7025
- Visit the Women's and Children's Alliance located 720 West Washington St, Boise, Idaho 83702
- Call the WCA at 208.343.7025
- Call 911
- Tell a friend and keep telling till someone listens. Someone will listen.
You can also send me a message to firstname.lastname@example.org