Dear kekeluv - Would Anyone See the World as I Do?

This might be a controversial post considering the content from this listener is disturbing. I want you to know that I'm posting this letter because I'm afraid if I don't, It might be a missed opportunity to reach someone in a similar situation. I'm also posting this letter to take you inside someone else's prison with a message to her.

We are really good at judging these days and there use to be an old saying, "Walk a mile in someone else's shoes before you decide to pass judgment." I feel like we've forgotten that to compete in social Olympics. Sports fans call it Monday morning quarterbacking when ranting to your friends on how the team SHOULD have played. You see someone at work and judge them because you think you know how they should act. You judge someone in class because you think you know how they should dress. Walk 17-years in this woman's shoes and get back at me before you pass judgment. This is real life.

Hi,

Being a victim of being raped repeatedly throughout my childhood, and turning to sex as a way of releasing my emotions and the real world, I married a man for the wrong reasons. My parents are Mormons and pushed their faith hard on me. I was blamed for making men and family members rape me. I married my husband because I got pregnant. I have been married for 20 years. I have never felt so trapped in my life. I am thankful for my children. I can't live without myself kids. My kids see me every day asking me why I am so sad. I am on 2 antidepressants. I still feel like i will never be able to get out of his control. He is verbally abusive and has no control over his anger. I feel like I should have been dead on multiple occasions because of him.

Miraculously I am still alive. He himself has raped me multiple occasions. I haven't told anyone this because I have always been the one to help others out of their dangerous living situations. I am not sure how this will help me but I just want someone to hear my story before something does happen to me. I have always tried to think of ways to get out of my situation but feel he will find out. I am too afraid to leave. I can't live without my children. He forces me to work overtime sometimes and if I don't come up with money to pay for the bills he threatens me that I will be living on the street. He has a job but only uses it for himself. We hardly ever go grocery shopping unless I go myself and use the little money I have to get the groceries. My concerns are how can one get out of this without feeling like they won't be able to live? Would anyone believe me? Would anyone see the world as I do? Where does one start?

When my kids are home with me alone we are all laughs and love. When he is home the atmosphere changes dramatically. I know my kids see this and feel the differences.

Please keep this anonymous. I just would like to have some guidance to the light of a loving life.

Anonymous,

I applaud your bravery for taking the chance to find some direction in the face of fear. It would be irresponsible of me to not impress the seriousness of your situation from the outside looking in. You are in a crisis and if your children are so precious then you would be doing a disservice to them by not getting help. This is that part where I don't know what you must feel like or how your heart trembles every time you're in his presence. There are no words, but only actions at this point. Let's not waste time.

Rise up. You've taken the first step but you need to start running love. This point that you've arrived at is unimaginable but the rest of this story is up to you. I want you to sit down by yourself and close your eyes. Breath love. Sit in silence for as long as you need because what happens next is you fighting for your life.

Grab everything that means anything to you including your kids and go to Faces of Hope Victim Center.

Faces of Hope Victim Center is a warm and welcoming place, where people affected by interpersonal violence can come and receive help, with no judgement, no strings, no waitlists, and no fees.

Faces is everything you need under one roof. If you don't make it there call the Women's and Children's Alliance. Call 208.343.7025. If you don't feel comfortable about that please just call the police for help. This is an emergency and if you fear there isn't a tomorrow and then today is now. Rise up.

Think about what life will be like for your kids if something happens to you. It's your responsibility to be there for those kids but only in a safe place. If he has no control over his anger than it would be hard to believe he hasn't used that force on those kids. If he hasn't - he will.

Let me forward some advice that's been given to me by law enforcement over the last 10 years. YOU TELL UNTIL SOMEBODY LISTENS. I'm listening. People will listen. You have a long road to travel and your journey will test you. That said, you can do this. Nobody was born to be raped or abused. I learned that things DON'T happen for a reason. Nobody is punishing you for anything. It shouldn't hurt to love and your kids will be grown on their way one of these days, then what? Is there a plan for you? I guess the better question is what will be left of you mentally?

Your brave plea could shake someone else that's reading this because they too are in the same place. All of you have the right to be happy and no man or woman gets to make that decision for you.

I've carefully chosen "Rise Up" by Andra Day. You rise up. You rise up unafraid. You rise up for yourself and the love you have for those precious kids you call angels. This is my plea to you.

RISE UP MOMMA. 💙

Kekeluv

If you would like to send in a Dear Kekeluv Letter - Send them to Kekeluv@1035kissfmboise - You can request to be anonymous and Kekeluv will not share your information. Kekeluv is also not a professional and these are his opinions. If you are in a serious situation please call 911 now. Seek legal assistance so that you understand your rights and the laws.