Love Yourself Challenge #5: 3 Things I Can Improve On

Today was an uncomfortable day of the "Better Me In 30" challenge because I'm a super sensitive person and I really don't want to hear the things that my friends think are wrong with my personality...but it turns out the 3 things I can improve on are things I already knew.

I polled a few of my friends and collectively they found that these are my biggest downfalls.

Giving Too Much To Others/Withdrawing When I Fail

Short of the hour I set aside a few times a week to pound the pavement on the greenbelt or rocket through the trails in the foothills, I take very little time for myself to relax and enjoy some me time.  My friends pointed out that I'll give so much of my time and energy to pleasing and helping other people that when something I dedicated my time to fails, I just withdraw from everything.  That goes for failed relationships, failed friendships, failed projects at work and failed attempts at "adulting."  If I feel like I'm failing I do tend to retreat to my apartment, shut off my phone and social media and spend some quality time in my bed.  I already work a ton of hours during the week and I'll also fit time in my schedule to be there for things my friends asked me to be there for even when I know it's at the risk of my own sanity and quite frankly anything that sort of resembles sleeping more than 5 hours a night.

How I Intend To Improve:  I have to learn to say "no" and be at peace with it.  I need to make things in my own life and home a priority before other people.  I love being busy and being involved in tons of things, but I cannot fully enjoy them if I'm stressed from these outside sources.

I'm Never Fully Present When I'm Outside The Office

I didn't know how much my friends noticed this until yesterday.  I knew that it was affecting my relationship and almost led to the end of it last week.  Even prior to working at 103.5 KISS FM, my job was my life.  I've worked in radio for 10 years and I swear it's like a drug for me.   I'm always thinking about creative new things I can bring to the table at the station and am a little bit of a worrier when it comes to making sure everything is on point.  No matter where we are, I'll constantly think out loud about how we can get where we're at involved with the station.  I'll be so focused on it, that I neglect listening to my friends or ask about their lives.

How I Intend To Improve:  I need to work ahead at work so I'm not constantly sitting there saying "I need to get this, that or these done" on the weekend and force myself to unplug.  I will turn my phone over while spending time with my friends and only respond to absolutely urgent work e-mails/text messages.  I will live in the moment more.

Lack of Self Confidence/Esteem

Well, that goes without saying.  That's why I'm doing this challenge to begin with.  I was picked on a ton growing up for multiple reasons.  I was the ugly duckling.  I was the smart, nerdy kid in a neighborhood of cool, popular kids.  I wasn't really good at any one thing in particular.  I internalized that and that "I'm not good enough" complex still follows me today.  The only time I'm comfortable in my own skin and feel like I'm worthy is when I run.  Why?  Running is a me thing.  People's opinions don't matter. It's me against the clock or the mileage. If I fail, it's my own fault for not training hard enough.  That said, I rarely fail running and I know it.  One friend said that on the rare occasion where I do have self confidence, it can translate as arrogant.

How I Intend To Improve:  I need to put on my big girl panties and realize I'm not circa 2000s Michelle anymore.  I succeeded in my career when no one really thought I would and it's given me the incredible opportunity to touch other people's lives.  I need to be confident in the fact that it's because of me that it happened.  I did it!  I also need to remember to stay humble about my achievements, because they don't guarantee tomorrow.