My Story With Depression

I posted this on Facebook last night. The amazing thing is when your dealing with depression is that you don't realize how many people are also suffering from it. If I had known that it was Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). 

I could have save myself allot of trouble. It's my hope that someone who is going through the same thing reads this and is inspired to get help.

Not going to lie this is tough to post about...As I'm lying in bed typing, I'm worried about how this post will come across. First, I need to say that I am unbelievably fortunate. I could post half a page about positives in my life but I would come off spoiled. Supportive family, decent health and unbelievable people in my life would be the short list. So with that said you can see why I would have a hard time feeling comfortable complaining or venting about small stuff. I think that's why this has gone on so long. It's my hope that someone feeling the same way I was feeling happens to read this.

About a month ago I started developing an extremely depressed, negative, withdrawn attitude. It happened so slow and gradual I didn't notice how bad it was until I realized I hadn't talked to my Mom in about a week. My first years in Boise taking with my parents kept me grounded. I've never told them that. I was so anxious and stressed, all the time. Work became a empty pit. Like watching a movie I could see myself pushing the people around me away. No matter how much stress I've felt in the past, I could always think about my career and move forward. I even had a ex fiancée write in a breakup letter "It's like your addicted to your job..." but this wave of negativity was different. I slowly continued to sink deeper and deeper. I was so anxious. Last week I reached the point where I wanted to leave the city...for good. It wasn't that dramatic for me because for the first time in almost a decade of radio I didn't care. I was ready to throw in the towel. The fact that every KISSFM personality including myself worked as a team and produced the highest ratings in station history and KISS dominated every station out there ( not going to make any friends for that comment) but it's true and it didn't pull me out of the hole. That's when I knew something wasn't right. I wasn't sleeping very well because my dreams were so aggressive. Either someone was attacking me or I was violently attacking them. The pattern kept me up and my mind rushing...contemplating different negative story lines about my life all night long. The decision to see a doctor was one of the most difficult decisions I've made in a while.

And then actually going to the appointment was equally as impossible. But within the first 5 min of talking with him trying to explain as detailed as possible why I was falling he muttered the words "sounds like you have Seasonal Effective Disorder" and for a brief second there was light and relief. Now... I'm not a victim. Other people in the world have it way worse than me. I don't require any sympathy or attention. This is NOT a cry for help. But if you've made it this far into this story and there are similarities in your life at the moment please tell a doctor. It's not normal to feel like that. The doctor prescribed me Lexapro and I'm three day's into it. Things are already allot better. I was worried about sounding different on the radio or becoming a zombie but that hasn't happened yet. It's taken the edge off. I've also been told of different natural ways that may help. Vitamin D, tanning and working out. But at all cost tell a doctor. Don't fall so deep into that hole... There is a rope. -Chris