Day 20: Describe your most difficult breakup and what you learned from it.


EDITOR'S NOTE: Day 20 will be in two parts.  Describing my relationship and break-up took way too long.  If you want the extended story of my most difficult breakup click HERE.

The short version of the story is.  Girl meets boy when she wasn't expecting it.  Boy is smart, witty, handsome, charming, sarcastic and everything she could've wanted.  She has her guard up, but the more time they spend together she realizes she's truly in love for the first time.  Boy has death in the family and more or less vanishes for weeks.  Girl breaks up with him.  After months apart she needs her best friend in a desperate hour and calls him.  Girl finally gets some closure with boy.  They get back together.  Things get weird again.  They break up.  Girl is devastated.  Girl learns tough lessons.  These are those lessons.

  • 1

    Love comes when you're not looking for it.

    The concert boy worked his way into life and my heart so naturally.  I wasn't looking for a boyfriend when we started getting to know each other and it was the most refreshing thing in the entire world.  That's what made this relationship so special.  I didn't have to spend time trying to get the guy or impress him at every turn.  We genuinely just complemented each other.  I'm happy I got to experience it and I look forward to experiencing it with someone else when the time is right.

  • 2

    True, unconditional love doesn't conquer all.

    I've listened to too many love songs and watched too many TV shows.  I really did believe our love for each other would make us strong enough to get through the war he was waging together and I was shaken to the core when I realized it couldn't.  I wanted to lay on my bathroom floor and cry for days when I came to that realization.  Mandy says something to the extent of when someone is causing you more pain than happiness, it's time to release that relationship back to God.  I had to do that, because at the end of the day the only person I am guaranteed to spend every day for the rest of my life with is me.  I had to do what was right for me, trusting in the bigger plan and that everything will fall into place.

  • 3

    True strength is knowing that you don't have to be strong every single second of the day.

    That's a direct quote from Mandy, who goes on to say you have every right to give yourself time to acknowledge the loss of your relationship and come to terms with the new space in your life.  I hated being told to "suck it up."  "He lied to you."  "Your whole relationship was false."  Excuse me, you weren't in it.  You didn't feel the things I did.   There was some comfort in knowing that someone out there understood just how significant a loss this relationship was to me and said it was ok to spontaneously break out into tears at the site of a hatch chili pepper that reminded me of him.  Once you really allow yourself to feel the loss, you can begin to truly heal from it.

  • 4

    It takes a heartbreak to shake us awake and help us see we are worth so much more than we're settling for.

    Another direct quote from Mandy.  In the after math of the concert boy break-up I realized I'm done settling for wishy washy situationships. I'm not going to invest a lot of my energy in someone that's only interested in coming home with me or me going home with them after 2 AM.  If that happens and I don't hear from you again, I'm writing you off as not interested.  If that happens and the next time I hear from you is some ungodly late hour another night, I'm putting you on "that list" of guys interested in one thing.  Thank you for putting the ball in my court.  It's now up to me what happens next.  I'm either going to ignore your booty call text message or go for it.  If I choose the latter, I'm not going to apologize for it either if someone judges me for my choice.  We live in a society where women look weak or slutty if they take that bait.  Men are celebrated when they have a one night stand or hook-up.  I refuse to accept that double standard.  I'm a grown ass woman and do not need to justify to anyone what goes on behind closed doors.  And if I do go on a date with a man and the chemistry just isn't there, I reserve the right to walk away without feeling guilty.  The natural feeling of falling in love with the concert boy was incredible and I'm not going to settle for less the next time around.  If we don't gel that way, I'm not going to force it to avoid hurting someone's feelings.  I've done that too many times.