#TheSW30: Day 5; I’m Not Crazy Train, Really

Day 5: The biggest misconception you think people have about single life.

Misconception 1:  Single life means sitting home in doom and gloom.

If you listen to our show at all it does seem like I spend a considerable amount of time sitting at home with my cat, crying over a glass of wine listening to Taylor Swift.  That couldn't be further from the truth.

Yes, I have those bad days (please see my Matt Nathanson and bubble bath ritual) where a memory creeps back in and I get hella sad but they're not a regular occurrence.  The truth is, my one bedroom apartment is a war zone because I don't get to spend a considerable amount of time at home to tidy up, cook or anything else.  Between work, fitness goals, running groups, a pretty good fall TV line-up, football games, fabulous night life on weekends and countless cool community events, I've got plenty of things to occupy my time and those things bring me joy.  They don't make me sit around and go "wow, this would be so much better with a man."  I mean really, do you need a man holding your hand to enjoy the incredible beauty you see from Tablerock or rush you get in the stands at a Broncos game?  Those unique Treasure Valley experiences can take your breath away without someone by your side.

Misconception 2:  We're desperate for a man so we're no longer alone.

Again, if you listen to our show you'd think I'm always on the prowl for a man so that I'm not #foreveralone.  If I wanted a man, I could find a man, but it'd be settling for a relationship just for the sake of not being alone.  I won't lie to you and tell you I haven't done that before, because I have.  It was a mistake.  Fabulous, I had a boyfriend but it became a burden and I craved my independence.  He had a more normal work schedule than I do and would want to have my full attention in the evenings.  I wanted to go for a run or nap or prep for tomorrow's show or just have a moment of silence to myself. On nights that we hit the town, I didn't want to go home with him early at midnight or 1 AM.

Being in a relationship not to be alone?  Not all it cracked up to be, because I wasn't falling in love with the guy.  I became annoyed by his presence.  I had a pretty big wall built up when I started dating last boyfriend because of that experience, but slowly he tore it down. I truly did enjoy his company and it was a good two months of us spending time together before we defined the relationship.

Misconception 3: You're on the crazy train and hooked on your exes.

Can we please just put a stop to people thinking that a single girl or someone unlucky in love is fundamentally flawed or a stage five nutcase?  It's so degrading. The other night a friend of mine said that each man that passes in and out of our lives was put there in that time and place to teach us a lesson.  Sometimes those lessons are hard, so excuse me when I get a little agitated by the mention of one of the people that taught me one.

Truth is, unless you bring those people up in conversation, most of them are no longer part of my life.  They haven't been since I read this brilliant quote in Mandy's first ebook: "If it's not honoring you - it doesn't deserve a seat at your table." In fact I've been so moved on that I was convinced when I saw one of them for the first time in two years, I blurted out "OMG, you're still alive." (According to my best friend, I didn't.  Thank God there was a filter between my mind and mouth.)

The ones that are still in my life, my soul has made peace with them and those people have earned their place at "the table."  They've been the first ones to get a hold of me in times of sadness like my Grandma's death or lent a caring ear to listen to me when I'm having trouble navigating balancing the dynamics of being in my mid 20s (and vice versa.)  It took YEARS of no contact in some cases, but their values and insights (outside whatever our past situations were) are something I've come to respect. So please, unless you really, truly know the dynamics between two people that may have had a thing at some point don't cast judgement that the woman is "crazy" or "hooked" if she keeps him in her life in some way.  All you do by saying that is make her question her heart and fundamental beliefs.  She deserves better than having her self esteem dinged up like that.

Ladies, what sort of single chica shade have people thrown at you that made you go "they really have no idea what single life is like?"  Tweet me some of what you've gone through at @michelleonkiss.