#TheSW30: Day One; I’m Freakin’ Fabulous
Day One: Your response to everyone’s favorite question: “And why are YOU still single?"
Depending on the time of day, day of the week and number of glasses of wine I've enjoyed you could get several different answers out of me. Get me when I'm feeling snarky? I may respond "Are you seriously asking me this? If I knew the answer to that question don't you think I would've fixed whatever is keeping me single by now?" Get me when I'm feeling sad? I may respond "Because I'm clearly crazy, not stylish enough to stand out to men and just plain unlovable." Get me on a runner's high after knocking out a few miles? I probably won't care much that I'm single at all at that moment because my body just held up through another run and that's all that matters to me. The truth is, I don't have a definitive answer to the question. Although I can think of a few things that may have to do with it.
I'm Insecure About Who I Am
If you've listened to even one day of our show, you know I'm super quirky. I think my quirkiness is endearing, but things bluntly said to my face make me question if my quirkiness is a turn off to men. There are days where I seriously sit and wonder if my love of sports makes me too much of "one of the guys" to be considered dateable, if my passion for things I love like my favorite music or running makes me come off as a weirdo or if sticking by some values I believe in makes a supposed "stage five clinger." It gets unnerving.
That's where Mandy Hale's wisdom speaks to me again. A lot of my insecurities are amplified by those around me, but I (and I alone) have the power to control my thoughts and think positively instead of negatively. In Life, Love and A Dash Of Sass, Mandy says you've got to love yourself enough to look inside you and not beside you for your joy, confidence and self-worth. She also says you shouldn't be afraid to be who you are, no matter who that person might be. There's 7 billion people in the world. There's got to be one out there that will love me and all my quirkiness.
I'm Not Completely Whole Right Now
I'll get all the little itty bitty pieces of my heart back one day, but I'd be lying to myself if I didn't say part of it is still with my most recent ex. Was our relationship perfect? No, far from it. We dealt with some really heavy stuff, but he felt like home to me. Hell, I was engaged once and couldn't realistically see into the future with my fiance. With this last one, I could. We talked about a house, where our careers were headed and what jersey our child (albeit, years in the future) would wear on game day: Ohio State or Oregon. With him, growing up and growing older together didn't terrify me. I could've spent everyday of the rest of my life with him but like I said, we dealt with some heavy stuff. Our relationship got to the point where I realized we couldn't work through it together and I owed it to myself to get out before I got really hurt. I'm sad with the way things ended and I really wish nothing but the best for him. There's no season where this relationship could work again and I've accepted that but it doesn't mean I don't get sad about it every now and then. Once that piece of my heart where he used to be feels whole again, I'll be ready for something bigger and better. Again, Mandy reminds us single ladies that when things end with no warning and leave you feeling as though your world has been flipped upside down, something greater is at work.
God's Not Ready For Me To Not Be Single
This is probably the most realistic answer I could give. I'm a firm believer in the statement that God will never give you something that you're not strong enough to handle. In my heart I know there's a reason that none of the relationships I've experienced have panned out into happily ever after. Who am I to question God's plan for me? The break-ups suck. The heartbreak sucks. The loneliness sucks. But there's a reason that I'm going through this season of waiting. Like I said, there's 7 billion people in the world and God's just preparing my life for the right person when they walk into it. Remembering that makes me super hopeful and happy. So with knowing God's got a bigger plan in mind, I'm gonna sit here and be freakin' fabulous just they way I am and feel good about it/what I'm about.
Ladies, I'm curious...how do you deal with your insecurities and being less than whole while dating? What things have you embraced to help you love yourself first? Feel free to comment away. And if you're taking #TheSW30 with me, don't forget to tweet me what you wrote at @michelleonkiss!