There was no jocularity on Baywatch when I was a child. These brave men and women in red bathing suits were doing very important things, like guarding lives, performing CPR, running in slow-motion, and occasionally starting totally random spinoff shows featuring sea monsters. The new Baywatch movie is a new breed of ‘watch. These guys do joke around, constantly. It’s Dwayne Johnson and Zac Efron as mismatched partners on the lifeguard scene, joking about one another’s testicles, performing highly unprofessional autopsies, and even arguing over severed limbs. Seriously: Not your Hasselhoff’s Baywatch.
Some people stand in the darkness. Some people make movie versions of campy ’90s television series about lifeguards. It’s gonna be all right. They’re always ready, they won’t let you out of their sight, etc.
It’s the holiday season, which means cozying up with family to It’s a Wonderful Life for the umpteenth year in a row, or giving and receiving presents from loved ones, or trawling the internet looking for “Happy Holidays!” tweets from your favorite Hollywood celebrities. Yesterday, the cast of the new Baywatch movie, all decked out in seasonally appropriate Santa hats and mistletoe accessories, posted a special Christmas message to their fans.