Better Me In 30 Day #8: Face Your Fears
For some reason this challenge brought to mind an episode of One Tree Hill called "The Places You've Come To Fear The Most" which lead me to an awesome quote about facing your fears.
"There's no shame in being afraid. Hell, we're all afraid. What you gotta do is figure out what you're afraid of because when you put a face on it, you can beat it. Better yet, you can use it." So what am I afraid of?
I think this fear developed once I moved to my current apartment and started getting spiders the size of a quarter wandering into my apartment. Maybe it's because they're big and hairy or because I've seen one too many Facebook videos of spider bites or spiders having babies explode off their back when you kill them. These are a hell of a lot scarier than the daddy long legs spiders that would occasionally wander onto our deck when I was a kid. In fact I'm so scared to kill these big ones that I let one wander back and forth across my ceiling for two days until my not yet boyfriend came over to grab some soup I made him because he was sick. They just give me the heebie jeebies!
Keke picks on me for relying on Siri for everything, but he's right. I really do and even then I still get lost! I have the world's worst sense of direction so it makes me really nervous if I'm behind the wheel on a road trip. And by the way that doesn't just apply to driving. I'm afraid of getting lost on a run and never finding my way back because I rarely carry my phone while I run. A few weeks ago, I dumbfounded myself by getting lost on an out and back run around Lake Lowell. I started to freak out, but then remembered I did have my phone on me because my boyfriend insists I take it on my long runs. I have no idea how I missed my turn back, but I was happy to have a map to follow back to my car...even if it took me an extra half mile to get there.
Being A Mom
No, I'm not pregnant. Let's get that straight before I continue. I truly believe part of the reason I'm so skiddish around kids is because I never grew up around babies. My sister is the youngest of the cousins in my family and we're only two years apart, so I don't really remember her being a baby very much. 27's a weird age for me. Almost all of my friends in Boise have kids that are five or six. My friends from my hometown are just starting to have babies now. My mom had me when she was 26. I feel like I'm behind on that whole happy family thing, but I have to be honest...I am highly unqualified to have a child at this point in my life or in the near future. My friend's pregnancy stories scare the crap out of me to the point where surrogacy looks like a REALLY good idea. I definitely want to have my own biological child, but I'm terrified of what it will do to my body. I'm terrified that I won't know how to take care of a baby or that I'll break it somehow. Or end up like Hayden Pennitiere's character on Nashville that just has no interest in being a mom after her baby was born. I know that everyone says your fear change when you have one of your own, but I think I just need to be young and selfish for another few years until these fears subside.