It's Sunday night and I should be hours into a beautiful dream as my alarm will go off in hours to begin the day. I host a show that commits are alarms to barking right around 3:30 A.M. every morning.

I'm sure the other half of the show, Kat's alarm goes off earlier because she rolls in like a video model each morning. You're lucky if I'm in a button up that early. I'm a dad and that puts me a category of learning I guess you could say. I learned more this week and here are my latest updates of being a husband, dad of 2 that includes our little girl who is almost 5 months old.

I'm mainly writing this because of my son Lennox. I made an epic failure on Saturday night as I tried to tell him a little story about himself when he was little. My goal was to explain to our 4 years old how much of a stud he is by going through some pretty tough situations as a baby. I was trying to somehow tell the story of hero in himself by getting through everything with a smile. I immediately realized that daddy is an idiot.

Lennox got really quiet and started to get really scared. What a dumb dad moment as I realized it scared him because that was such a scary time for him. My son is only 4 as of January and when he was 10 months old some very tragic stuff happened internally. Lennox powered through that scary two weeks during a snowy December. That was followed by 2 years of hell in and out of hospital visits. We're still not done yet. We hope and pray that his body has outgrown any problems that he used to have. That's all with me not really getting into detail. If you want more on Lennox just search LENNOX in the box above. I've been very open and it's just so painful to constantly revisit.

I'm typing this up because my son taught me a few things this weekend. I learned last night that my son hasn't forgotten what he went through and it still triggered by the mention of it. He asked me to carry him into our bed last night and I painfully realized that I scared him. Here I'm trying to make him feel great by explaining how tough he is and it backfired. It taught me something. He's still my little sensitive baby boy. I think I try to rationalize with him like he's an adult and I don't know why I do this. Lennox is barely 4.

I was trying to get things done tonight and he broke down in tears while my wife was putting our daughter Leo to sleep. Lennox just wanted to play a game before bed and have daddy time. My wife came in and we played a little game she got him called, Headbanz Junior. 

You wear a headband with a card in it and everyone tries to give you hints on what the object of the card is. If it's a Lion you give clues to leading you into answer the right object. Make sense?

We played for a few minutes and he was so happy. I could have easily said no because it was bedtime and that's it! I mean, I'm the adult, right? Parenting is about making mistakes and learning from those pitfalls. I don't think anyone has kids and become model parents though their Instagram might tell a different story. We live and learn. Earlier my son called me to his room and showed me this. Lennox made this for me.

Photo by: Kekeluv

Lennox was standing their with his morning hair, little cut boxer briefs and a little person he crafted for me. Tonight while we were playing games he said,

Mom, I love you. Daddy, I love you. I love you both so much.

My son will randomly in the most off moment catch me and say,

Daddy? I love you.

It's in those moments that I realize I'm the luckiest person in the world and I have a lot to learn as a daddy. My lesson to you and more importantly to myself is that I need to relax. These kids are so tiny and we talk to them as if they were our age. We can be so ignorant sometimes and I'm okay with saying I'll be first in line. I try to self teach myself every day and I keep stumbling. My wife spends 24/7 with them and has to struggle with these things more than myself. I think we both catch ourselves getting caught up in our own frustrations. I think that might just be one of our best team moments as husband and wife. We never seem to be on the same side when it comes to getting frustrated. We both seem to rationalize with each other and that's good for our kids. We NEVER team up on them.

I know all you parents are perfect but I'm definitely not. I learn every single day and that doesn't even scrape the surface. I think I'm a great dad but wanting to be the best can be our own enemy right?

My message to not so perfect parents like myself is to relax and quit trying to be the perfect parent. Let them cause havoc and be loud. My sound can be louder now that we have a 4-month-old and that's to be expected. Our pediatrician told us that it's not his fault he needs to be quiet. Our peds doctor is awesome and really gives us a different perspective to look at things.

I should get some sleep but just remember that parenting isn't easy. Trust me I'm thinking all about the future since having these little angels and it's things I've never thought of. Just try and enjoy. Be great at trying because nobody is perfect. I thank my wife for being pretty much perfect because instills greatness in them every day.

Here are a few photos from this week ❤️

kekeluv family