#TheSW30: Day 6; Excuse Me While Cynicism Oozes Out Of My Pores

Day 6: Sound off on the quote “Every woman has the exact love life she wants.”

I knew some of these blog challenge questions would be more difficult than others.  Reflecting on this quote from Debra Messing movie The Wedding Date is a difficult one because my initial reaction is to be extremely cynical.

If there's even an ounce of truth in it then I supposedly wanted my engagement to fall apart.  I wanted the guy I started dating shortly after that to salesman me enough to have me within an arms reach when it was convenient for him (so when he wasn't hooking up with any of the other three women.)  I want to be in an endless loop of games that's spanned almost 3.5 years with a guy who I can never get a clear read on.  I wanted the only man I ever really loved to have so many internal issues that we couldn't move forward toward the beautiful future we'd planned as a couple.  I wanted for the first guy I let in after that break-up to ghost on me after three weeks...and hear through back channels that there was a goal with me (he peaced out shortly after it was accomplished, so sadly I have to believe what I heard is true.)  Yup, I sure want a love life where I'm used and disrespected. 

That's BS.  Now I'm not necessarily a victim in those situations, because I enabled those guys to treat me like that and allowed them to disrespect me but still...I do NOT have the exact love life I want.

I think the quote would be more accurate as "Every woman has the exact love life she needs."  It goes back to what I said on Day 1.  Everything's in God's hands and he's preparing my life for that perfect best friend and lover that I'll spend the rest of my life with.  I'm a firm believer that you're never handed something you're not strong enough to handle.

While I might not want a virtually non-existent love life, I need this season of waiting to reflect on the past and learn from it.  I've already learned that I need to have enough self-respect to not be the doormat girl, not allow men to completely disrespect me and not feel pressured to change who I am just to keep a man around.  During this season of waiting I've gone out with new guys, kissed a few and flirted shamelessly, but there's a higher power out there that knows that none of those people were who I need right now.

I'll put my trust in the processes, reconnect with things that bring me joy like running and playing the piano and live by what Mandy said: You will never gain anyone's approval by begging for it.  When you stand confident in your own worth, respect follows.