Listen, we’re not here to be narcs or anything, but we’ve got some questions.

This all started back in October, when a few buddies were visiting from out of town. 

 

A couple of us had some time to kill while the others were getting tattoos, so we were driving down Overland Road in Boise, looking for ideas to pass the time. 

We drove past a couple of massage parlors, and our curiosity was piqued. 

You see, these didn’t look like normal massage parlors. In fact, the ambiguous sign out front with neon print saying “massage parlor” was the only indication, because they looked more like old, small houses. 

 

We pulled into the driveway of the first business, and there were signs stating to pull to the back of the building for parking. 

Imagine our trepidation: It was an overcast day, rain was pouring down and the place looked deserted.

So we did what any sane person would do… We walked up to the back door, knocked and waited. 

 

A little lady came to the door and asked us what we wanted – we asked if she had any openings right then for a couple of massages?

She quickly informed us that she did not, and told us to try the next place right down the road. She then forcefully slammed the door in our faces.

 

We went to the next place, and it was the same thing: a small sign saying to pull around back, and it looked deserted. We knocked on the door, and another lady opened it just a crack. 

She asked us what we wanted, and we inquired about receiving a couple of massages.

 

Before she even had a chance to answer us, she gave my friend an alarming look and instantly exclaimed, “You’re too young!”

He explained that he’s in fact 27 years old, and certainly not too young for a massage (are there age limits on who can get a massage?). But she insisted he was too young, told us to leave immediately and slammed the door in our faces. 

 

Now, we’re not detectives or anything, but something seems extremely strange about every single part of this experience.

So, we turned to Yelp, to help us investigate these unusual occurrences. We hoped to find some answers – possibly from reviews that others had left behind?

But in a hilarious turn of events, when we began typing “Best Massage Parlors,” Yelp auto-filled another word: “happy.”

 

Now, riddle us this: why is “happy” even necessary for searching the best massage parlors in Boise? What, we wonder, does “happy” even mean in this context?

Now, don’t get us wrong, we are not insinuating that those specific massage parlors we visited in October are offering happy endings… in fact, we don’t know what is even occurring in those parlors. Is it even massages? Who knows. 

We haven’t discovered the answer to that question yet, but rest assured, we’ll let you know when we do. 

 

However, what we can tell you is: the people of Boise seem to be extremely concerned about their massages being happy… whatever that means. 

We’ll leave it up to you to decipher the meaning.

Perhaps this was all purely coincidental, or perhaps this is all one in the same? Only time can tell.

 

In the meantime, here’s some hilarious reviews of Boise strip clubs, because we already know y’all are a classy bunch.

Cheers, weirdos.

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