In the most Florida news of the day, at about 4:20 a.m. on May 4, a Florida man woke his longtime girlfriend up by "slapping her with a cheeseburger," according to The Smoking Gun. I wonder what kind of burger? Okay, not important. The headline did make me laugh at first, until I kept reading.

The burger itself was could be taken as a joke, but it does get serious. Kyle Jamison Jones proceeded to pull his girlfriend's hair and kick her down a flight of stairs, and was booked into jail on a battery charge. In an affidavit, Jones' arresting officer said of the victim, "I was able to locate several remnants of said cheeseburger on her person."

Well yeah, you can't slap someone with a burger and not expect meat remnants to go flying. Shrapnel, if you will.

Florida being Florida. I'm a vegetarian so I truly understand that burgers never lead to anything good. 

The headline itself is interesting. Domestic violence isn't at all. Hopefully she's out of the relationship and he gets some counseling or mental health help!